Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Movin On...

I bundled the kids up this morning and packed them in the car to take Junior to school and noticed that the tree across the street was filled with raucous harbingers of winter. Big, dark, ugly Ravens sat brooding in the tree and I also noticed them all over the back field when I got home. Ravens are not beautiful. They are carrion birds, which means that they feed on things that are sick or dying, and have been known by many cultures throughout history to be a harbinger of bad luck or a bad journey. I'm not usually superstitious, but considering they have been surrounding my home every winter for many years, I am a total believer now.

This home, which we bought joyfully and lovingly called our "starter home" (a precursor to our "forever home"), is where we brought home two brand new babies and watched our boys grow and generally continued to build up what I felt was a solid foundation for our future. We have seen success here, and definitely some challenges but despite that, I loved this house. I said so frequently and thought my heart would break to leave the place where we had lived the longest stretch of time in our marriage and where our children were babies. I thought someday we would look back and have fond memories of our first house. Now it has become a tomb for me. So much has died here and sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in around me. As soon as I possibly can, I want to be in new surroundings and under a new roof that I don't have to wonder how often "she" has been under as well (the car is the next thing to get traded in though. I know for a fact that "she" has been in my car.)

I will be leaving an amazing neighborhood, a ward who has welcomed and then watched protectively over us, my best friend and my best distraction and a loving sister who has been there tirelessly for me this summer. But it is time to go.

There are too many memories and too many reminders and too many ill omened Ravens surrounding this house now. I miss the robins, chickadees and blue jays of summer. So I am going somewhere else where carrion birds do not surround my home anymore. The sight of Ravens will now forever make me ill.

Personally, I can't think of one good use for them.