This blog has really evolved since I started it last October. Originally, it was a continuation of our family blog and also served the dual purpose of therapeutic journaling and offering proof to family members that I was both getting out of bed and processing my grief instead of drinking it away :-) I never anticipated or expected than anyone beyond the few friends and family that kept up with the old blog would be following it.
Emotions and experiences I have chronicled here have resonated with others who are either in my same situation or have a loved one who is. I was both shocked and touched by all of you who have come forward to say that you have found comfort in a common thread and in seeing that someone else has the exact same emotions, thoughts and experiences. Sympathy is always welcome during any healing process, but genuine empathy is rare and surprisingly comforting. I have connected with some amazing women within the last year and now belong to a strange international web of single moms/struggling wives who are at various stages of surviving. There are those who are further along in the process who are inspirational proof to me that this won't kill me and in return I want to pass anything I have learned along to the 'newbies.' Some of you have come out to simply give a one-time hello and 'hang in there' and please know that I have appreciated every single comment. One in particular made me teary last week (last comment in last week's post if you are interested.) We'll call you Anonymous #1. The sentiments expressed in comments like yours are one of the huge reasons I keep writing and keep it as honest as possible. I feel less alone when I know others feel the same way and I am pleased (if admittedly startled) to find that complete strangers are finding comfort in how I have chosen to express myself.
And then there are commenters like the one I got last night. We'll call you Anonymous #2 (because they bravely did not post their name). This last week has been brutal. J finally filed papers (too raw, I will get to that another time) and three days later, I found out that he introduced the kids (without my knowledge) to daddy's new "friend." In response, I broke my long silence with this "friend" and sent her a long overdue, very accurate assessment of her actions, her character, my disapproval that she would get to be anywhere near my children and my complete contempt that she could ever look me in the eye. I was not surprised to get the comment that came through last night with some "advice." Anonymous #2 suggested that I 'get over it and move on' and then snarkily stated something about how I should go out and get someone better if I thought I was so much better.' I laughed at you Anon #2. I laughed because the implication that I was being dramatic and dragging out the process of 'getting over it' was so completely asinine. Nine months ago, after a revelation of infidelity through much of my marriage, I was left with three children, five and under (one of them a newborn). I make no apologies about not being 'over it' less than a year later. I read the comment, rolled my eyes and took a moment to wonder why Anonymous #2 was so impatient unless they were affiliated with someone who had an invested interest in the wife moving on? I logged off, went to bed and did not lose any sleep over the matter. I have every intention of moving on and being happy, but not until I process and grieve. We are not talking about losing a boyfriend here. We are talking about my husband, my best friend, the father of my three children and, in my culture, my eternal companion. Whoever you are Anon #2, my advice to you is that you keep yours until you or someone you love is in my situation and see if it still applies. To you or anyone else who is annoyed by how I am handling the end of my marriage, I would like to invite you to not take the time to read this blog :-) You'll never be missed.
But the bottom line is that I don't want or need the extra drama in my life. This is the one and only time I will be responding to or addressing this subject. I have always had comment moderation turned on and reserve the right to not post rude comments although this is the first time it has come up. Although everyone has been respectful so far and I haven't needed to edit anything, I would also never allow snarky comments about J. I am reacting to choices made by him, but this blog is about me and how I am choosing to cope. It is not meant to vilify or slam him. Inexplicably, I still care about him quite a bit.
Anyone who would like to connect in a positive way, please don't hesitate! Anyone else who is tempted to be mean, please don't bother. Simply because I am under no obligation to address anyone's 'advice,' someone else is now moderating my comments before they are posted and I will never see or address anything that would be considered poison. If nothing else, the fact that the comment did not derail me emotionally is a surprising testament to how far I have come. Even a few months ago, reading something like that would have made me cry. Now, I can clearly see the idiocy and bias behind the sentiment. If I am still writing the same stuff in five years, you can try me again. Until then, I am choosing to only keep the positive where I can.